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awake Beholder (PG-13, one chapter): After the end of Season 7, Xander slowly comes to deal with the loss of his eye ... with some eventual help from Spike. I'm quite fond of this one, actually. Despite its lack of smut, it still gets to me.
Closeted (NC-17, six chapters): The first S/X fic I ever wrote, for
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margarks in 2004's Spander Inquisition. It's filled with the elements margarks requested, namely dirty talk, first time, forced isolation from the rest of the Scoobies, and amnesia. This is not one of my favorite fics I've written, probably because it was the first and I was still very nervous.It's Just A Jump to the Left (NC-17, 8 chapters): By far my favorite fic I've written, this one is a sort of Groundhog Day scenario, with Xander experiencing the same events (with Spike) over and over again and having to figure out why and what to do about it.
Late Night Double Feature (NC-17, 19 chapters): This sequel to "It's Just A Jump to the Left" focuses on the after-effects of the time loop, with Spike and Xander developing a sexual relationship without really understanding what's going on between them emotionally. The first half has quite a bit of mild D/s content, and one chapter has some minor bloodplay (but it's in a good way -- I promise).
Through the Looking Glass (NC-17, 15 chapters): My most recent and currently least favorite of my fics (because I froze up and my writing went kablooey, but I still like the plot), this one concerns a post-NFA meeting between Spike and Xander in San Francisco and their slow process of getting to know each other in new circumstances.
These are all (except "Through the Looking Glass") also on my website, with pretty pictures.
None of these fics are true AUs, though they may diverge from canon in slight ways (such as Xander having both eyes in "Through the Looking Glass" or Buffy not coming back from the dead in "It's Just A Jump to the Left"/"Late Night Double Feature"). I'm just not an AU kind of gal.
I also wrote other fics in the past, in my Spike/Buffy days, but those don't seem worth mentioning in this context.
Note: This is not about anyone in particular, but remind me not to read other people's fics ever again. It seems like everyone writes at least as well as I do (if not better), has more readers than I do, gets more feedback than I do, gets more glowing feedback than I do, and finds the writing process easier than I do. It gives me a complex. Of course, I was already feeling down on myself after finishing "Through the Looking Glass," so maybe it'll all be different when my self-confidence is back to normal. And, hey, I doubt I'll stop reading fic, anyway. It just bums me out sometimes.
November 19 2005, 07:34:07 UTC 6 years ago
I notice that a lot of feedback people get is :licks you:, :hugs you: blah blah. While that may be fun to get, even 50 or 60 of them won't give you any hints about your writing.
I print out a lot of stories, and I did yours, so I can carry them around to read when I'm getting my oil changed or waiting for my car to be inspected, et cetera. (That nosy old bitty at Just Brakes last Saturday must have gotten herself an eyeful.)
I don't know about a lot of people writing better than you. I haven't seen it. There's a lot of people that are very workmanlike, and they get the job done, but there aren't that many that make me go Oh my. Wow. Those writers, like you, I try to send some thoughful feedback.
Also, and this is not against you because you do respond to FB... I don't FB certain authors any more, even when I see them bemoaning the amount of FB they get because they never ever respond.
There are some authors out there that I sent very thoughtful FB to for months and years and I got nary an acknowledgment. Then, when I noticed that some of these authors were responding to *licks you* blah blah, I decided not to waste my time.
Also, I hate to say it, but it seems that the more socializing you do on lj, outside of writing, the more people know you, and the more likely they are to run and FB to you. I see some people who get mounds of FB, but when I read their stories they're just okay, but some of them are on their way to becoming BNF. The whole thing confuses me.
I recently saw a second journal post by an author talking about FB, and I'm quite certain that I left FB for that author several times, and never even got "thank you." I guess that author wants FB, but not from me. Or, he/she wants FB, but doesn't have time to acknowledge it. Or maybe, since I'm not a writer, mine isn't the FB that he/she craves. Or maybe, since I don't run around a whole lot on LJ, except to FB to stories and a few friends posts, I'm not that well-known, so that makes my FB less desirable.
You are extremely talented. I was bereft when you took your sabbatical, and I saw a lot of posts by people looking for you and wondering. Since I only have your writing journal friended, I really didn't know what was going on. I was very very glad when you came back, and I will be very very glad to read the next story you decide to share with us.
November 19 2005, 08:59:25 UTC 6 years ago
November 19 2005, 12:01:11 UTC 6 years ago
I'm not very active in fandom anymore. Back when I was, I got a lot more FB on the stuff I did (whether writing or fan art, which I don't do anymore). I read the BNFs' journals and they read me and it was all beautifully incestuous. But then I sort of stopped with the social fandom thing because real life became more important/difficult, and now I'm not in the fandom loop anymore.
I, too, have had the experience of offering very thoughtful, well-considered feedback to authors who can't be bothered to respond. Okay, so I've been in that position myself upon occasion, but I usually try to be pretty good about replying. If it's a standing habit, I think it's rude. Again, I feel guilty about this one, because I've often done it myself, but it's never been because I didn't appreciate the feedback. Sometimes it was because I was overwhelmed by feedback and didn't know what to say, but other times it has been because real life was just kicking my ass.
At any rate, thank you for the encouragement. I really appreciated it and it has cheered me considerably. :-)
November 21 2005, 00:50:21 UTC 6 years ago
I wonder about this kind of thing sometimes. I don't quite feel like I've ever been in the fandom loop. I read bits and pieces of fic here and there and leave feedback and usually get some response, but that doesn't quite constitute a relationship. I rarely get around to reading/commenting on meta because it takes so long to get through my flist that I usually don't even try, and I almost never comment on people's personal posts. I feel slightly guilty because I do sometimes post meta myself, and am happy when people comment on it. I never seem to know what's going on in fandom's core, wherever the hell that is—occasionally I see ripples of reaction to events that I always seem to be the last to know about.
For reference, you're one of the tiny handful of people in fandom that I feel like I do have a relationship with! And don't worry if you had no idea we were that close. *g*
November 21 2005, 10:53:15 UTC 6 years ago
I am in no way trying to imply that writers who have lots of RL friends who FB to them aren't talented. I'm not saying that all.
I try very hard not to let it bother me when certain writers never respond to FB, but, since it does, I just don't give those writers FB anymore. I may still read them, but since I'm reading so much fic now, I have to be more judicious with my time.
I'm fine with writers who say up front, "I'm bad about FB, and I rarely if every respond to it." At least they're being honest. The ones that bother me are the ones that bemoan their FB or complain about the amount that others get. I try not to read those posts any more because I always think, "Hey, I left you lots of FB in the past you never acknowledged, so there!" Hee.
Finally, I think you have a lot of talent, and when you can FB you do, and you're honest about you're reasons if you don't. I just hope you don't let FB stop you from writing as much or how you want to write. (((hugs)))
December 7 2005, 21:32:20 UTC 6 years ago
When I was fairly new to fandom, I gave feedback to a BNF on a fic she'd written some months previous. I'd adored the fic and gave lavish praise. She never responded, and I was heartbroken for a while (as evidenced by the fact that I still remember the event), but now I understand a bit better. Sometimes it's hard to respond to all the feedback. When I'm not responding, I try to tell the readers why, but sometimes I forget. I do have a note on my LJ info page, explaining that I pretty much always suck at responding to feedback, but I still always try if I can.
I've never seen posts bemoaning feedback or complaining about the feedback other people get, but I don't read a lot of fandom journals anymore (no time). I hope I never do that. Sometimes I'm jealous of the amount of feedback other people get, but I hope I don't have the poor grace to actually whine about it.
As for feedback stopping me from writing, no way. Sometimes (a lot of times) I get insecure about my writing and fret that it sucks, fret that it would get more feedback if it didn't suck, but that's all about me and my own insecurities, not about the readers. I usually get over it fairly quickly. (Except with "Through the Looking Glass," because I really didn't like how it was turning out, so I didn't get over that one until it was done done done.)
December 7 2005, 21:48:49 UTC 6 years ago
*hangs head in embarrassment and shame*
December 7 2005, 21:33:12 UTC 6 years ago
*kicks LJ*
November 19 2005, 08:13:25 UTC 6 years ago
Girl! *is so totally there with you*
I read other people's fic, and a couple of people's original fic, and I go: "God I so suck! Beyond the telling. Why do I even do this? I'll never be that good." And that feeling lasts persistently for a good week. I don't touch any of the projects I'm working on; I go back and read my own stuff and think it's drivel.
Then I do something really weird. I read a 'real' book. One purchased at a store. With a cover, and with art on that cover. That has been PUBLISHED. And I know, without a doubt, that I can do that. That my writing is better than the crap that is in the book I'm reading. Why? Because I get constant feedback from people on LJ or my website. Because I dont' write in a vacuum. I'm learning how to write better by reading better writers.
I think you're a wonderful writer. You tell a story so well. I've rec'd Jump to the Left and Late Night Double Feature all over the place. I've LOVED Through the Looking Glass. So there are better writers? Big deal. You can bet that THEY have the same sort of feelings going on too. My best suggestion? Find out what it is that you like so much about their writing, and use that for yourself.
My 'fan fic idols' are [Unknown LJ tag] because she just knows how to set a story. Her prose is always beautiful and evocative. I find myself falling in her stories. So of course, I try to emulate that.
I read these writers and I make note of what I like about them. How specific phrases affect me, and I take that and put it in my own writing. I'm new to this compared to those ladies, but just by reading them, I've learned a lot about the CRAFT of writing. I'm still a fly by the seat of my pants chicky, probably always will be, but the more I read the better I get at writing - because I'm picking up tools.
Sorry this was so long. I just really like seeing your stuff out there, and don't want to see you give up or give in. *hugs you*
November 19 2005, 08:14:26 UTC 6 years ago
November 19 2005, 12:07:22 UTC 6 years ago
Most of the published books I read are far better than anything I could ever write. The only time I have the sort of experience you describe is when I read something trashy, like a romance novel or "tie-ins" (like the BTVS novels). Honest to goodness literature just makes me even more certain that what I'm writing is crap. I still love reading, though, so there's no way I'm stopping, but I work on making reading not related to my writing except in an indirect "all reading helps you become a better writer" kind of way.
I'll check out the authors you recommend (I'm already familiar with a couple of them). It doesn't really work for me to try to emulate other authors, because it just makes my writing stilted and false (or horribly derivative), but -- as I said -- all reading makes you a better writer.
And please don't apologize for leaving a long comment. You're welcome to leave comments as long as you like here, and as long as they aren't attacking me I will always appreciate what you have to say.
November 19 2005, 09:08:59 UTC 6 years ago
On the other hand, I love reading your stuff and would never want to stop. Whether it feels like it to you or not, for whatever my opinion is worth, I believe you are a terrific writer - easily and without a doubt one of the top-top in this corner of the fandom.
So there.
-Camisha
November 19 2005, 12:44:48 UTC 6 years ago
November 19 2005, 12:47:26 UTC 6 years ago
November 20 2005, 02:18:49 UTC 6 years ago
A: Spander slash and cigarettes lmao!!!
I hope I brightened your spirits a little bit hon. ;-)
November 20 2005, 11:57:31 UTC 6 years ago
Don't mind me. I'll perk up soon enough.
November 20 2005, 03:49:48 UTC 6 years ago
I think it's very interesting that we lean towards one or the other. I was just saying the other day that I was happier in the fandom when I was primarily a reader. It sounds like you are much happier as an author.
But trust me when I say your stories kick massive ass. And that ass isn't kicked any less because someone else kicked some other ass. One doesn't lessen the other. It just means there is another great fic out there to read. *g*
I lived on your LJ when you were updating LNDF. For this fic I decided to wait till you were finished. Getting to the end of the chapter and not being able to click on the next one just killed me. Waiting was hard but it was cool staying up all night reading it in one go.
So now the question....you mentioned getting away from the tight Xander POV. For clarification, are you saying that your previous fics had no Spike POV in them? And that when you tried to incorporate some into this fic, you felt the fic went astray? I ask because the thing I find the most enjoyable to write is Xander first person POV. But I'll get fb saying that they crave the Spike POV as well, to understand where he is coming from and what he is thinking. So I tried it....and it sucked! *face palm* So my question? What is your advice after your experience with this issue?
November 20 2005, 11:55:38 UTC 6 years ago
And it doesn't bother me that other people write good fic. Heavens, no. Because I still like to read, too, and I've been in other fandoms where good stuff was almost impossible to find, and that was tragic. I'm deleriously happy that
As for your question about POV, I've gotta say that what I learned from TtLG is this: Write the voice you hear in your head. Don't write what other people want to read; write what you hear in your head. In my head, I hear Xander's voice, and once I get into writing something that's in his voice, his voice just gets clearer and clearer in my head. But when I tried to back off a bit to get just a tiny bit more Spike in there, kablooey. That wasn't my natural voice that just comes to me. So I say this: if people want Spike POV, tough. That's not the fic you're writing. If there's another author you trust and like and you want to write some kind of side-by-side fics from each character's perspective, then try something funky like that. But don't let anybody pressure you to write a POV that isn't natural to you. I don't think I'll be messing that one up again any time soon.
November 20 2005, 15:53:40 UTC 6 years ago
As to the way to measure the readers? I don't know how they set it up, but I know some LJ users that have a counter on their LJs. It doesn't tell you if they liked it, but it'll tell you how many people are clicking on it.
And thanks for the advice. That will make things simpler. :-)
November 21 2005, 00:57:31 UTC 6 years ago
November 21 2005, 10:10:04 UTC 6 years ago
I just wanted to drop in and say I've been reading your stories and I love them! All of them! ^_^ I've been showing excerpts to my friends and all at any part I find funny! ^_^ They seem to like it too.
Anyways, I just wanted to give you a quick hey and tell you I love your writing. Your Xander babble is perfect and witty and Spike is just stand-offish enough that he's not ooc, which is just too easy to do with pre-soul, chipped Spike. ^_^
So, *hugs* keep writing! I'll keep reading!
November 21 2005, 17:05:03 UTC 6 years ago
Next time I'm going to write Xander babble again. In this most recent fic, I pulled back a bit to a slightly more distant POV and it wasn't really playing to my particular strengths. Next time, though, back to the babble! :-)
November 21 2005, 17:33:43 UTC 6 years ago
November 21 2005, 11:14:46 UTC 6 years ago
November 21 2005, 17:05:53 UTC 6 years ago